Dear Wally #57 Late Great Phillip Cornell esq

Dear Wally #57 Wally (almost) Gets Filthy Rich Via The Internet!

Dear Mr. Wally-
God has blessed me with an honest and intelligent partner in you, my brother. Will need your legal name and credit card number and you security social number (9 digits if you are US citizen). As I am the deceased lawyer for the wealthy from oil, royal Phillip Cornell of Lome , Togo, Africa we can now start the process of getting you large inhertiance ($10.5 million US) of which I take 65% and you take 45%. I urgently await your reply and also need place of birth and mother’s maiden name for to send you a condolence card in case she is dead.

Sincerely,
Tobea Masku, Esq
Dear Tobea: (May I call you Tobea? I feel like we can trust each other like brothers). I respectfully must decline your generous offer for 45% of the $10.5 million. By the way, 45% plus 65% = 110% which is even better than 100%! Thank you, good sir! You are indeed generous!
I am afraid I have no place to park all the Porsches I would buy. Nor would I be able to keep a 200’ yacht in my small Kerhonkson farm house.
I also am concerned about what an unfathomable amount of wealth might do to my head. I thus wish to avoid the temptations of such largess and only hope it doesn’t disrespect the honor of my dear, late uncle (?) Phillip Cornell. I would like to offer my services, however, for your noble cause.
I believe that you might more efficiently find the late Phillip Cornell’s next next–of-kin via bulk email if your future written correspondence is grammatically correct.
So, I offer this proposal with the utmost respect and humility: I will proofread your correspondence at the ‘friends and family’ rate of $100/ hr for a minimum of 5 hours, my brother. This would be a fine and solid investment of time and money on your part. In exchange, you will end up with a letter that you can know will not make anyone question your otherwise sterling legal credentials and bona fides (and literacy). I can start immediately.
Sincerely,
Wally (ummm, that’s Mr. Wally, I guess)
Ps: You write extremely well for a deceased lawyer!
June 3
Dear Mr. Wally:
As brothers, we should be able to open honestly against one each. I feel you are having my best interest in mind and I would be willing to increase your percentage from 45% to 40% of $10.5 million US dollars in exchange for said proofread correction. I writes Englihs better then I speak it. Dutch to. 40% much better then $500, yes?
Can we make a deal? I will need your security social number as well as bank routing number to receive funds from your account.
Sincerely,
Tobea Masku, Esq
June 3
My dear Tobea-
Hmmmmm. I do not seek any percentage of your $10.5 million (USD), even if it is an increase from 45% to 40% (!?!) I would prefer to simply take my humble fee and leave my generous share of the inheritance to you so that YOU may purchase lovely things for your family.
If you just send $500 to my Paypal account, listed below, I will happily and thoroughly start in on the 5 hr project of giving you the tools you need to do your difficult job.
-Mr Wally
(ps ‘Englihs’ is spelled ‘English’ --This is a freebee, no-charge tip just to show you that you are in good hands!)
June 4
Mr. Wally-
We play a game of cat and mouse. I am trying to offer you large monkeys. Let us not eat small raw crayfish anymore. Take my sincere offer. I am a respectable businessman and wish only the best for you and lots of ingheritence from your loving Uncle Phillip Cornell, deceased, from the diamond money.
Tobea Maskuku, Esq.
June 4
Dear Tobea:
Wait, now diamonds? I thought we were rich on oil?!?
Crayfish are best cooked, I agree. (I think). Please let me help you help yourself. I offer a very fair and legitimate service. You will not be sorry!
Sincerely,
Mr. Wally.
June 5
Dear Mr. Wally- You are tire me out with your many letters. I need to make this transaction happen now for the corrupt government claims the money back and soon none is left! Please, as my brother, give the information I request so we can get you your money in certified cheque.
Sincerely,
Tobea Masku, Esq
June 5
Dear Tobias-
With heavy heart, I must end this email relationship. (Plus I have to get back to work). Sometimes it takes a sharp hook to catch a crayfish. You will have trouble catching anything but discarded tires with your mistake-filled letter.
Good day sir,
Mr. Wally
(ps- as my brother, you should already know my (our!) mother’s maiden name. No condolence card necessary as she passed away 13 years ago. Remember?)


Got a question for our advice columnist or just need someone to grind down an email scammer? Contact him at cwn4@aol.com and remember, 45% plus 65% = 110% which is 10% more than the most possible! (This was a real email exchange by the way).






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