Dear Wally #55 Calander of Love

The Calendar of Love

Dear Wally,What do you think it means when a gentleman I am interested in is only available to go out on Monday nights? This guy I have been seeing for a couple of months is "busy" a LOT. He has a normal day job (including having to be at work Tues am) so that whole school night thing isn't it or Monday would be out too. I can not figure it out. A wife? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? What do you think?-call me confused
ps: plus he’s a little kinky. I’m a little prude.

Dear Confused (and not so kinky) ( but a little prude):
It’s been some time since I was in the dating game and reading the relevant romance tea leaves, but as memory serves me, something is fishy. And certainly not knowing enough details about something has never stopped me from mouthing off before, so here’s the deal: This guy definitely has a wife and a husband and a boyfriend he’s not telling you about, plus who knows what else? Here’s why by way of the calendar of love:
Tues: There is no such thing as a Tues pm date. The love shop, as they say, is closed on Tuesday. Your man is at home with his other wives doing the dishes and being Tuesdayish..
Wed: Wednesday night dates are the bastion of the optimistic. Lust springs forth like a coiled up greyhound at the starting gate. Those so eager to reach over the midweek line and goose the weekend right in the keester tend to make dates on Wednesday --and you have to love that enthusiasm, even if the Wed pm-ers tend to wear pocket protectors--only that’s not even your guy. The pros of Wed dates are that there’s rarely trouble getting a table out. The cons are that most of the restaurants (other than Olive Garden) are closed on Wednesdays. If he offers to take you to Olive Garden on a Wednesday, go and get the bottomless salad bowl, but make it clear afterwards that it was your last date with him if he thinks you are a Wed pm Olive Garden type of girl. Also tell him to lose the pocket protector.
Thursdays are a set up- a test for the weekend big commitment date- a walk on concrete 5 hours after it is poured, a cautious fingering of the freshly painted hand rail at the department store when you think no one is looking. (Are there still any department stores?). A date on Thursday has the whiff of promise (err, I think I like you, maybe) and were your 9-5 er willing to offer his hand to you on this night for a good time, Confused, I’d say take it and run. But I’m understanding that a Thursday pm date offer has yet to be tendered. That’s because he probably has a wife and a husband and a boyfriend.
A date on a Fri or Saturday night is the brass ring nervous daters of either gender strive for- the ultimate statement of keen interest. One need not read deeply into this availability to know that this thing, whatever you crazy kids call it, has legs. No married man would be brazen enough to ask out someone other than his wife on a Fri night date, unless she was an insurance agent and they were strictly discussing a policy of some sort before a rousing game of handball.
A Sunday date, by itself, means you’ve got a friend on your hands (and in the words of Porky Pig, ‘that’s all, folks…’) The Sunday night date is about eating guacamole and watching 60 Minutes with a long time mate or member of your bible study group. Keep the expectations for fireworks low, (unless you are reading the book of Revelations) if this is the day he suggests you meet, and you wont be disappointed. The exception to this is if you have Sunday night date immediately after a Sunday morning date, if you know what I mean… in that case Sunday evening dates are niiiiiiiiiicccceeeeee and you can skip the 60 Minutes. But he hasn’t even asked you out on this typical, “I just want to be friends’ date. And that leaves us at…
Monday ( your day). A Monday night date is a cautious thing. It creeps out from behind the blinds of truth to either question the validity or hedge the bet. A Monday night date, as you suspect, is the number 1 date of married men (or women) who are doing so on the sly. Why? Because it is the day they are least likely to get caught and the day they are least likely to be expected to go out on a surreptitious date. So the oleaginous (and kinky) use this day to do their bidding.
Put it to him straight and grill him on why a Monday night is the only time he’ll do anything with you. Is he on Parole? Let him know you are a prude and that if he plans to be with you, he needs to gingerly escort you to another day of the week- He has 6 others to chose from.
Then tell him you want to meet his wife his husband and his boyfriend (all at the same time) and see how he reacts.
I hope this has helped.
-Wally
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