Bush behind bars?

(real question, btw)

Dear Wally:

I wonder why Bush and Cheney are not in jail for their lies and illegal acts. With the 10 year anniversary of Clinton's impeachment, I would like to know when these criminals will be punished.sincerely,
vexed in the valley

Dear Vexed-

You sound like one of those pain-in-the-arse liberal agitators--maybe a bloodthirsty, vengeful Scorpio to boot? (Wait, that’s me!). Ever since Pres. Clinton’s starring role in ‘Crouching Intern, Hidden Cigar’, and his subsequent congressional ka-bobing, you folks have been gunning for a retaliatory hairline fracture in the Bush Administration to exploit. This 3 trillion dollar war is the one , if I’m reading you right, you believe to have a whiff of illegality about it?

Well, you want the real answer to the question of accountability or the one that will make you feel good? Tell you what, we’ll do both because the ink’s free. Here’s the feel-good answer: No one is above the law. Thus, gross manipulation, distortion and indeed cold-forged fabrication of ‘facts’ (think Nigerian yellow cake) and threats (WMD) used to justify a brutally harsh, stunningly expensive and morally dubious war WILL ALWAYS result in a legitimate trial, conviction and subsequent impeachment of our country’s highest executives. (It’s not illegal to be stupid, but it is illegal to lie. At least I think it is). And Americans who don’t enjoy being lied to, or having their intelligence insulted, will wipe their hands on their pant legs at this trial of leadership and say, “OK. Let’s now wish the Iraqis good luck with the civil war we left them, cut our losses and re-calibrate our national objectives to once again focus on the needs of all Americans.” This trial will happen on June 23, 2008. (I’m making this date up only so you will feel happy about the imminent meting out of justice).

On June 24th, however, you will hunt me down for my lies. And that, alas, takes us to the other answer. In reality there will be no Presidential perp walk, no trial, no conviction, no contrition, no humility, and no introspection at the executive level by those who may or may not have acted illegally. There will be no public regret, nor will there be any punishment for squandering the once overflowing good will of a powerful, unified global community horrified with a dastardly, soulless attack on innocent Americans. There will also be no collective apology by the State Dept for strong arming reluctant remora–like ‘allies’ into bucking the UN’s will and joining the US-led fighting ‘coalition’, with their 23 troops and 2 jeeps or else suffer the crippling hammer blow of US economic sanctions and tariffs. (This little power play has just surfaced, to the further embarrassment of the Administration).

There will, instead, be trumpeted declarations that this country is safer than it was before 9/11. But to think all the vast resources spent overseas in the name of (revenge? rooting out terrorism? Securing oil? Handing democracy to the undemocratic on a platter? Catching and hanging one tyrant by his skinny neck, chasing another through the Afghan caves, etc) has yielded a commensurate payoff of any sort is folly. (Ironically, opium production in Afghanistan is up 45% this year alone! Oil is over $100 a barrel, almost 1 million Iraqis have died so far, there’s a new generation of Middle Eastern American haters, thank you, it turns out Sadam had no WMD nor anything to do with Al Queda and the poor sots at TSA have to suffer the indignity of sniffing my shoes when I travel, which at least by air is admittedly is safer now (unless you are the one sniffing the shoes). Iraq under Sadam was a deep fried basket of hell. With him gone, the basket has exploded and now there’s hell everywhere, stuck to the walls and dripping from the chandeliers).

But what of the 4,000 brave folks who have died in uniform and the countless others who will live these last 5 years over and over again in their heads? (They will get 1 free 45 minute PTSD session at the VA hospital—which should do it!) These heroes--the moms, dads, sons, daughters (and their limbs) (and their serenity) can’t be replaced…

This administration will slip into the cold night late January 2009 rubbing their palms on their pant legs, and congratulating themselves for a job well done and a mission accomplished.

Wish I had better news for you…

Look, it’s not all bad. We just discovered that Alaska’s coastline is 100 feet further out in the sea than we thought. If we start feeling depressed we can always just pave it and slam up a Wendy’s or something. Get some comfort food in us…

But here’s my final thought: It’s easy to be a presidential or policy critic. All we have to do is sit on the sidelines and take pot shots at leaders who have incredibly tough decisions to make, who have access to far greater info than we have and who, at the end of the day, are only human. I’m as guilty of that as anyone (and everyone). Maybe in time, we’ll see that the best course has been taken. Maybe not. But no one should misconstrue shades of criticism for anything other than shades of frustration for things not going better, cheaper, less deadly and more democratically than they are (starting with our own darn outdated and questionable election process). Bush in jail? What’s the point, Vexed? Let’s just elect officials who will never make us haul them off to trial in the first place…